Personal Musings of a Distraught Little Girl
I've had migraines, a week-long stomach flu (with cramps and diarrhea), intense motion sickness, hangover, UTI, yeast infection, severe allergic reactions and even asthma attacks. But not one of them made me pray out"Lord, please stop making it hurt. Stop making me feel like this" ...but heartbreak. And when you think about it, nothing is in pain. Nothing's bleeding. Nothing's sore. Nothing's out of place. But why does it make me curl up in a corner? Cry like a baby? Retch? Make me feel weak? Why does it make me feel like I'm dying? And everytime he talks to me or notices me... I get a shot of morphine. I get a delusion that everything will finally be okay. Until it wears off... When I realize that he'll never be mine. He'll never see me more than 'that'. And it starts to hurt again. And you'd think I'd get off this cycle and decide to finally start healing. But I'm so addicted to his brand of morphine that for those short glimpses of illusion, I'm willing to endure the pain. I hate myself. I hate that I love him, when I shouldn't. Labels: essays |